my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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