my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my shit smells like andre
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants