This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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