I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear