so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
