Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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