dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
only you would photoshop your dick
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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