I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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