We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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