hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
