Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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