Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
