I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
