It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this will be a night to untag.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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