In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
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I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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