i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
