we have officially lost it.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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