Im at strip club and am horny
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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