11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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