Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
