WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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