I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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