You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
