When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
