I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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