I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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