Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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