Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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