Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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