pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
