Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
