what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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