I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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