oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
3 2 1 whiskey
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
