dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
