You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
