Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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