Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
