the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
