hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I supernannyed him into submission
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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