I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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