We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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