So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
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getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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