Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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