it hurts more in the daytime
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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