Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
