He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think i got beer on your cat.
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