Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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