barbara walters just said penis...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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