Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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