Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
