um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
