At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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