i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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