You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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