I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
