in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Holy shit dude........stairs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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