My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
