Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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