I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
