worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
