Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
