Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
God, I missed his penis.
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