Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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